Photo by laRuth/Flickr CC
However, approaching a woman after you've polished off a few too many drinks, with a lecherous swagger or worse the "amorous gaze"-- you affix your eyes on a woman and stare, hoping that by some alcoholic-friendly technology your vision will work like tractor beams--is thoughtless, and shows just how little one believes in humanity.
I generally know if a guy will be pronounced dead on arrival.I've even grown suspicious of the honest approach. "Hi, I'm Jack...." It's artless.
I'm often surprised when guys walk down the line, stand behind a woman and awkwardly introduce themselves, only to have the woman glance over her shoulder and offer only polite umm-hmms in response.
I generally know if a guy will be pronounced dead on arrival. Had he asked, he could've saved the embarrassment and even shifted his attention elsewhere.
Many "speakeasies" require gentlemen to ask the bartender to introduce them to women they don't know. Sounds a little old-fashioned but think about it: Who's a better wingman than a bartender? We've seen it all and, more importantly, we're sober (at least most of us).
I think it's a classy move and followed by an offer to buy the lady a drink can be more suave than you might think.
Recently I've seen men swarm one of my female regulars, who bears an uncanny resemblance to a very beautiful celebrity.
I often find myself in the awkward position of wondering whether I should bounce these guys for trying their luck and then not easing off. We don't have the same rules of conduct as other high-end bars but there is a limit, right?
There should be a "shot clock" for hitting on women -- the same as in basketball. I can't blame a guy for trying, but if the whole bar knows you're striking out, why don't you?
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Hey Derek,
This is great, more please!
Emma
So, hypothetically, what's the best way to get a bartender to make a good introduction? Tipping big? Complimenting them on their drinks?
Well, being respectful is the best way I can think of. Tipping appropriately, of course, doesn't hurt.
The answer to your question lies within the definition of a "wingman".
A wingman is generally known as the "supporting friend" during the conquest of pursuing a target (for lack of a better word). With the keyword being "friend," one must apply that to the case of the bartender. If you want a bartender to make a good introduction, you must first prove yourself worthy of being his/her "friend" - thus, giving him/her a reason to help you out. In this day and age, there are no free handouts. Now, I'm not saying that you and the bartender necessarily have to become best of friends; you just need to show that you have the potential.
So how is this done? Easy. Just don't be "that guy".
You should make the bartender WANT to introduce you to others as someone with whom he associated with. Put yourselves in the bartender's shoes. Would you want to hang out with (let alone introduce) a friend who is overly flashy/cocky, a bad drunk or exemplifies the qualities of a wet sock? Of course not. Generally speaking, we associate ourselves with modest, classy people that are fun to be around and that's the personality you have to exude when fishing for a solid introduction. Tips, compliments and small talk are all byproducts of this concept.
Basically, the more that we like you, the more willing we are to help you out.
In my personal experience, the best wingman (of course after the bartender) is a married friend. He always has no problem in keeping her friend busy while you get to know her. Of course, another way to meet singles is online dating. However, if you are going to bar, being social is the most important key. Its more about striking a conversation, having a few laughs and being comfortable. If you are a quality single guy, you are the prize too ... so let her work a bit too to win your approval.
I think the best wingmans are your good friends because you have to make sure they dont try to go for the kill. You have to appreciate your wing man, I usually take my friends out or let them borrow my callaway golf clubs. Love is a tricky thing - sometimes you find it where you least expect!
I let my wingman borrow my callaway golf clubs. I try to treat them with respect and appreciation! Sometimes they really get the job done.
To be completely honest many of us have been or have relied on a wingman. Either in situations dealing with women or in business. I was deeply involved in free internet classified advertising and some of my friends saved my butt, and made me alot of money. So you can see how crucial wing men are and how they can affect your life!
Wingmen are vital to your success. I have made many friends over my life but have had very few that were quality wingmen. Its a special gift that only a few have. I was a very good wingman but now I just work on my outside umbrellas on my deck. Its very tedious haha. Hopefully we can all have atleast one good wingman.
Having a bartender wing woman would be awesome. Probably the easiest way to get a conversation started. You know what else works? Wearing a ghillie suit into a bar. You get sound strange looks, unless it's halloween.
Great post. Keep up the good work!
Wingmen are vital to your success. I have made many friends over my life but have had very few that were quality wingmen. Its a special gift that only a few have. I was a very good wingman but now I just work on my Striipe shoes shop on my deck. Its very tedious haha. Hopefully we can all have atleast one good wingman.